Wednesday, 15 January 2014 00:00

Communicating less does not mean he does not hold you dear anymore

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A woman’s mind’s eye can be a terrible thing to waste sometimes. When a woman is under an illusion, her thoughts can go way ward sometimes.
Why for example, do some women draw long faces and rationalize that their man are deliberating acting out of character when they are not their usual cheerful, buoyant and happy go lucky selves.
Naivete perhaps explains it.

Communicating less does not, by any long shot, mean a man does not hold you dear anymore. Neither does it mean he is having a fling with somebody else or he is eschewing his responsibilities
It is just conventional wisdom. Sometimes men just need to be left alone, sometimes that is, not all the time. Good thing though is that eventually your man will get his mojo back. That is if he does not have a psychiatric problem. It is just within the nature of some men to desire solitude. It is just an occasional male inclination that manifests when many of us least expect.

Men have their off days, just like women have their off days. Those “mister wrong side of the bed” days. So the fuss at times by our women can be uncalled for. The male psyche plays mischievous tricks the best of psychiatrists would never understand.

Sometimes men just need another companion. On occasion, there is no companion as cordial for a man like solitude. Resisting that occasional need for solitary space can best be described as going against the grain.

Misery rarely loves a man’s company especially if he is following the dictates of nature.
No woman however fancies a break in communication with her significant other or call it her husband or beau. She will feel disillusioned and consider it a cold shoulder.

Unfortunately, human minds are wired differently

There is a lot of truth in the ideologies and contrasts John Gray brings forth in his book “Men are from mars and women are from Venus

In the book, Gray mostly talks about male and female relationships and how we defer. “Men are described as sneaky, saying little and having a tendency to get away if they feel too closed in some space.
Women on the other hand are described as outgoing, good humored and social

The desire by some men to have time off alone has nothing to do with them being emotionally immature, reclusive or introverted. At times, men just need time to lay to heart their inner battles, frustrations, insecurities, struggles, challenges, successes and failures

Women too may need their time alone. The contrast though is that whilst men will suppress and not open up about their low feelings often, women are more likely to open up easily to friends about their low feelings or their frustrations.

The problem though comes when a women feels like she is speaking to a brick wall, instead of her beau. Any woman will get frustrated with that. Eventually it can spawn real relationship issues.

The unfortunate bit of it is that a lack of communication triggered by a man’s temporary solitude can open the door to distrust, emotional neglect and confusion.

Some men naturally struggle with expressing themselves especially when stressed, fatigued and frustrated or when just in need of a break from something.
Men have been taught to play through the pain, to keep complaints to themselves and never to show hurt, pain or their fears

IS IT JUST TYPICAL MALE BEHAVIOR TO HUSH UP AND COMMUNICATE LESS

Women need to come to terms with the fact that some men are naturally conditioned to suppress and not to express

Men are taught never to show weakness from an early age. Expressing how you feel sometimes is frowned upon. Young men are taught to take adversity in their stride and are taught never to show weakness in the face of tough situations.

Negative learned behavior means most men will simply push their feelings inside, act tough or stay aloof when hard pressed.

It could be that he is creating walls around himself due to negative backlash from close friends or his beau.

Silence or avoiding conversations is a strategy most men employ to steer clear of drama or to manage situations to their advantage

It can be an alternative that comes in handy to avoid blushes or drama.

It is never going to be easy dealing with a man who does not express himself often.

Creating a pleasant and positive atmosphere helps a lot in getting an aloof man to open up. If it is discussing his past experiences that may be spawning his lack of engagement, accost him when he is good humored.

Above all though, Women dealing with aloof men should know that the unspoken never does no harm.

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